I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
