idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize