i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
