i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
