he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize