Umm I'm too high to move.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
