YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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