I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
