my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
