i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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