If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I smell like Dick and happiness
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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