i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
