Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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