I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
