My room smells like vodka and shame
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
