Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
