I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
