he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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