He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
