I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
