Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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