Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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