I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's rum buckets o'clock
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
