Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
