He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
