I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
