you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
