With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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