I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
