Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
