So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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