I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
