First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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