she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
