so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
