well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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