worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
