my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
