3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
