I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
