right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
