Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
