You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
