i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
