There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
