I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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