btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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