Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
