she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
