none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
