It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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