We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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