nut hugger
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
