If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
