It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
