Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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