I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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