This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize