made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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