Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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