it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
