I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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