If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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