he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
