i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
