Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
