Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
